Monday, January 19, 2009

Apology in Advance

I've just been tagged to be the Ying to ExpatMum's Yang on the Richard Bacon Show. But I lost the toss so I have to take the Pro-US side.

Granted, I am Pro-US, but I'm Pro-UK, too. This, however, is entertainment and my job is to talk the US up and really trash Great Britain, while ExpatMum argues the UK side. It ought to be a hoot, but I certainly hope no one takes my diatribes seriously; my aim is to sell books, not have people burn them (or me).

And wouldn't you know it, the BBC are having problems arranging a local studio for me to go to so I have to drive up to London and sit in their main studio with Richard Madeley.

As an aside, the BBC Producer who spoke with me today told me Richard Madeley would be the host and asked if I know of him. I told him I didn't think so. He said that he was on the Richard and Judy Show. So I'm thinking, "Well, I'm at work when they are on, so whenever this Richard guy was a guest, I'm sure I missed him." So I said, "Oh, all right." Later, when I spoke to my wife, she told me he was the Richard in The Richard and Judy show. OMG! I'll definitely bring up a book to sell to him. (Note to US readers: this is like going on the Oprah Show as far as pitching a book is concerned.)

But now I have to cram for the big night and try to come up with reasons to not like Britain and arguments as to why the US is so much better. I did tell them this is contrary to what my blog and book is all about, but for the sake of A) the craic, B) getting some publicity, C) chatting live with ExpatMum and D) meeting famous people I think I can pretend that there are some things about Britain that really piss me off.

And perhaps I really won't have to pretend all that much; my wife thinks this will be a grand opportunity to blossom into the grumpy old man I am fast becoming. I have to admit I do tend to have one-way conversations with the tellyon occasion, but who doesn't. You can't expect a man to stay calm when there are yabbos getting off with a slap on the wrist, people cluttering up the streets, lager louts terrorizing town centers...

Hey, and don't get me started on customer service.


  1. Okaaaaaay

    As you've already mentioned customer service, here are few pointers for you to consider (you probably already have, but I try to help!)

    TV Licences (and the TV Licence Nazis)

    Mixer taps (or actually the lack of them)

    We don't call it a potty if there is no one under 5 in the house!

    We have no idea what a Charley Horse is


    British stereotyping of Americans

    Which leads to......

    Jeremy Clarkson



    (Food Items)

    Toad in the hole
    Spotted Dick

    That should give you food for thought (if you'll pardon the pun)

    Have fun with Richard - just don't for god's sake ask him to impersonate Ali G



  2. Meanwhile, chopped liver over here will be stuck in an empty studio schmoozing with precisely no-one.

  3. Anonymous11:46 PM

    Best of luck Mike and if a podcast or download of the program becomes available will you let us know?

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. Congrats Mike!
    I'll be listening to the replay on the website...
    Not sure if the pro-US thing will give you more support with the book though.... us Brits can be unforgiving Bastards! haha

    But seriously: All the best of luck!

    (I deleted my first post as I thought it could be a problem... you can read it in your e-mail though!)

  6. Anonymous1:50 AM

    Good luck Mike! How exciting! I hope a recording/podcast is available.

  7. Good luck!!! I'll be listening to the recording.

    Things I DO NOT miss about England:
    The rain
    Car MOTs
    Speed cameras
    Tiny roads

    I have to confess though, it was worth putting up with all of that for a decent bacon butty.

  8. Thanks all! (Yes, you're only getting a 'mass reply' - the service here is really going downhill, isn't it?) Thanks for the good wishes and the suggestions. I'm taking them all on board; after all, I only have 18 hours to come up with some good reasons to like the US over the UK. It's 6AM now, I was up at 5 (as usual) and I am already tired; I can't even think what state I'm going to be in by midnight tonight.

  9. Cheers to you and loads-a-luck. I 'know' someone famous,WOW!

  10. Break a leg! Can't wait to hear this debate. Will definitely listen to the replay as well.

  11. Cor - we almost got a word in!