Friday, April 8, 2011

The Next Level

I’m afraid you’ll need to file this one in the “Grumpy Old Man” folder; sub-folder, “These Kids Today!”  Apologies for that up front.

As you all know, my incredulity has long been rising in direct proportion to the hemlines of the skirts (and inversely proportional to the tops of the trousers) I see the young people wearing around town these days.  There’s not a lot to say about that; we looked like idiots when we were young, now it’s their turn.  Fair play, and all, except:

Sometimes I see people adopting these fashions who are old enough to know better.  A willow-thin seventeen year old can get away with wearing a pair of knee-high leather boots and a skirt that leaves little to the imagination.  And her companion is welcome to his droopy jeans showing off his boxers.  These are unforgiving fashions and should not be attempted by anyone over the age of twenty-five.  If you insist on dressing like this and you are over the age of thirty, the police should be allowed to take you into custody.  You know who you are.

But beyond that, I was finally coming to terms with the reality that young fashion is so far out of my particular loop as to make it irrelevant.  And at least the girls generally wear a dark, semi-transparent garment that my wife refers to as “leggings” and I call panty-hose without the feet.  At any rate, as long as they are wearing them, the length of their skirt really doesn’t matter.  Too much.

Lately, however, I am afraid that the next logic step is being tested: wearing no skirt whatsoever.  When I first encountered this fashion, I had hopes that it was a fluke.  We live in a busy world, and it is entirely possible the young lady in question simply forgot to put her skirt on before she left the house—Lord knows, I’m capable of doing that—but I just returned from town and, as much as I would love to believe otherwise, there simply cannot be that many absent-minded young women wandering around the High Street.

This disturbs me, not simply because it turns me into a voyeur (they’re happy to dress like that, but just try snapping photos of them and posting them to your soft-porn gallery on the Internet and suddenly people start looking at you like you’re the pervert), but because it is so unfair.  If I decided I wanted to walk around town in my underwear, I would be arrested (or at least escorted back to the Home), so why should they be allowed to disregard the rules of a polite society.  In that direction lies anarchy.

Okay, I'll get off of my soap box now.  I suppose, in the long run, it is neither surprising nor a big deal, and I’m sure, sooner or later, I’ll get used to seeing waifs wearing underwear while I'm out shopping.  But it does make me wonder what the next step is going to be.

And if you are 38 year old woman who is thinking that this might be the fashion for you, I beg you, think again.
This a photo I took for my collect…I mean, to show you
what I have to put up with.  The offending women, for
legal reasons (this is a family blog) have been digitally rendered more modest.


  1. Yes, I have noticed that too the other day in Horsham. Wonder if it was the same young woman. I was going to say young lady - but it makes you wonder. However, for the purposes of a proper study of behavioral science was your sighting wearing knickers with large polka dots?

  2. Mind you, around these parts the young kids seem to go everywhere in their PJs. Yuck!

  3. Leon: No, leopard print.

    Expat Mum: So I could get away with wandering around in my housecoat?

  4. Anonymous12:27 AM

    Fashions change of that we are all aware – but sooooo drastically. Whatever happened to decorum?? But then again in 1964 -- there was I and a friend, having gotten lost, wandering round a less than salubrious area of Copenhagen after viewing the statue of “The Little Mermaid”, finding ourselves chased by “Ladies Who Provide Services”. The reason – well we were one of the “firsts” to wear mini-skirts in Europe (though they were becoming really popular in the UK.) The Ladies thought we were trying to encroach on their territory and steal their business!! I must add that in 1964 it was risqué to wear a mini skirt, even in the UK, though mini-skirts at that time were barely two inches above the knee. By the way, for you older Brits out there, my mini skirt (actually a dress) was made from Crimplene, how many can remember that fabric? It was a dress in beige and coffee panels forerunner of the geometric patterns (mainly black and white) which became popular in the discos with their black lights. Geez, was I ever that young!!

  5. I've seen people wear things in London that I can't believe. I am not a fan of someone just wearing leggings, especially when they aren't very thick and I can see what's underneath....
    When the weather gets warm the boob tubes come out..being from the Midwest I tend to be a bit modest.

  6. Boob Tubes; a fashion crime if ever there was one.