Wonder of wonders: they turned the
fountain back on.
No announcement, no fanfare, no
apology. It just came on one day. And now that the hot weather is back, the
children are gamboling in it once more—along with, one must assume, their
sun-cream and danger of falling.
Granted, there was an outcry, and
articles and letters in the local papers, and angry/sarcastic comments on the
town’s website and Facebook pages. But the thing that pushed it over, the
deciding factor that made them say, “All right, already! We’ll turn the sodding
fountain back on!” must have been my blog post. I mean, it’s obvious, isn’t it?
They turned it off, I did a blog post about it, they turned it on;
cause/effect. I’m stunned, elated, humbled and a little bit anxious.
As Uncle Ben told Spiderman, “With
great power comes great responsibility.” I can’t ignore this newfound ability
to make governments bend to my will, and I must use it for good. But what
should I turn my attention to next? Brexit? Lord knows it needs some sorting
out. Trump? Ditto. The Middle East? They could have peace at last, and with
peace comes McDonald’s, KFC and ASDA; a win-win-win. And what about the Climate
Crisis? Should I use my power to tackle that?
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| Fountain before Blog |
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| Fountain after Blog |
No, I think I need to turn my
attention closer to home, toward those everyday things that are the bane of
civilized men and women everywhere. Therefore, I request that the appropriate
governments pass the following laws:
- If a market sells hamburgers or hot dogs in packages, they must also sell packages of buns with the same number of buns. Failure to comply will allow customers to take as many packages as they wish in order to achieve bun-parity, and they will only be charged for the initial package.
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| In case you went to school after 1970 and don't have your smart phone handy, you would be allowed 8 packages of hot-dogs (real ones, not tofu substitutes) and 5 packages of buns to make a 1:1 ration of hot-dogs to buns. |
- People who park like idiots should be chained to their vehicles for three days and made to apologize to everyone who passes by the blocked parking spaces. For every person the offender fails to apologize to, and extra day will be added to their sentence
 |
| Idiot |
- Grossly over-sized carry-on luggage should be placed in the offender’s seat with the offender standing next to it. During the flight, the offender’s seat number will be announced, and passengers will be encouraged to “Tsk tsk” them.
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| That is easily twice the size of my carry-on. Who is letting these people get away with this? Find them and arrest them, as well. |
- These people just need to be shot.
That will do for a start. So, if
the appropriate powers can put Brexit aside for a moment and turn their
attention to the above, I (and everyone else in the civilized world) will
appreciate it very much.
