I had occasion, yesterday, to be out amongst the gainfully employed as
they made their collective way to their individual places of employment. This
came about because my wife is on a two-day training course in a distant city that
makes it more convenient for her to travel by train instead of by car and, due to
my uxorious nature, I drove her to the station.
Seeing people bustling about with a sense of purpose—while juggling cups
of coffee, briefcases and smart phones—left me with an unexpected pang of
nostalgia that lasted a full five minutes. That was when my wife texted to tell
me the trains had been cancelled. Not “her” train, “the” trains. Monday morning,
rush hour, no way to get anywhere, thank you British Rail. And then I
remembered why I was so glad to accept redundancy.
So I drove my wife to the aforementioned distant city, thereby becoming reacquainted
with the frustrating ritual of driving through a maze of unfamiliar streets, in
rush hour traffic, searching for a place I’ve never been to before. Fortunately,
my wife had been there before, but only by train, and then by following
pedestrian paths to the location. So we went to the station and followed the
roads that sort of matched the direction she would have walked in if she had
come by train, and eventually we found it.
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| Ah, the memories this brings back. |
(You’re wondering now why, if we got to the train station, I didn’t just
let her out and tell her to walk the rest of the way; so am I.)
At any rate, after dropping my wife off and pointing the car confidently
toward home, it occurred to me that it would be some time before I made it back
home for a delayed breakfast, so I decided to relive yet another “Road Warrior”
experience: eating at a Little Chef.
I have written about Little Chef before, but for the sake of new readers
let me reiterate that Little Chef is a sort of UK Denny’s, but without the
ambiance and fine cuisine.
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| The UK's answer to Denny's |
I haven’t been in one for a while, but the only difference I found was
that the staff—perhaps due to the current economic climate—was a touch less insouciant.
I don’t want to imply that the staff might benefit from a customer service
primer, but one time I entered a Little Chef at a motorway service stop only to
be told by the waitress, who was lounging in a booth, that I would be better
off eating at the Burger King across the hall.
At Little Chef, I quickly learned to order griddled eggs (sunny side up)
instead of scrambled because when I ordered scrambled the guy sent down by the
Job Centre that morning couldn’t even be bothered to stir the powdered egg
mixture and I ended up with something that looked like melted yellow Play Dough
(but didn’t taste as good) with a side of yellow powder. With a fried egg, you
can believe that, whatever it is, it has at least seen the back end of a
chicken.
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| Actually, a Burger King would be more inviting. |
That said, their griddled eggs are suspiciously uniform in size, texture
and color, leading me to speculate they are assembled outside of Bangladesh,
where child laborers sew surplus egg yolks from the chiffon pie factory next
door onto synthetic “whites” made from genetically modified petroleum by-products
skimmed from the surface of the swamp behind a nearby oil refinery. These are
then flash frozen and flown to a dispensing point just north of Manchester where
they are distributed to individual Little Chef restaurants around the country
for thawing and placing on customer’s plates next to other specious culinary items.
At least, that’s what I remember them tasting like, and the pair I ate yesterday
tasted about the same, only colder.
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| Seriously, don't they look just a little too perfect to be real? |
But my visit accomplished its purpose; I returned home with my nostalgia
ache fully resolved, and replaced by mild indigestion.
I took my wife to the station again this morning. She just texted to say
the trains are merely late today, but for the moment, at least, they appear to
be running. Good thing; I don’t think I’m up for another visit to Little Chef
just yet.
I always wonder how those "bottom of the barrel" restaurants manage to stay in business. I love your description of Little Chefs. If I ever have the opportunity to pass one by, I will do so on your say-so!
ReplyDeleteThey come as a package deal with Travelodges--they are always in the same, out in the middle of nowhere location so if you stay at a Travelodge, you generally have little choice. But if you are frugal enough to voluntarily stay at a Travelodge, you should be frugal enough to eat at a Little Chef without complaining ;)
DeleteAlso, Little Chef did go into administration a few years back and many closed. I thought it was the end of the chain (so did they) but they were rescued and appear to be on the come-back.
But, like McD's, if you're travelling, you're bound to run into one and you know what you are getting. Just keep your expectations low ;)
So they sorta have a captive clientele! The Denny's in my area went out of business some years ago. I think they survive because they're popular with the oldsters for breakfast and they're less expensive. When I'm traveling, I will opt for a local cafe before stopping at a McD's or a Denny's. At least at a local spot, you have a chance of getting something good or unique!
DeleteUgh. Back in the day when I used to drive up north from either London or Bristol, they were about the only "restaurants" on the motorways. Yuck!
ReplyDeleteThere are more options now -- which possibly explains why Little Chef went into administration a few years back -- but no matter what the restaurant, it's still motorway food.
DeleteThis reminds me of a Guardian notes and queries that asked why you never see posh people at Uk motorway service stations.
ReplyDeleteI've tried to explain Little Chef to Americans here before. They can't get their head around a diner chain so bad that it's actually bad.
True, I have never seen a posh person in a Little Chef; it's mostly groggy business travellers and an occasional family on their way to the caravan park for a holiday.
DeleteOh, how you make me laugh! I will never look at a fried egg the same way again.
ReplyDeleteYou may have given me a new must-visit restaurant for my trip to Britain ;)
-Abigail
www.picturebritain.com
They have always been dreadful, but unfortunately at some point about 20 years ago they had enough money to buy up many of the small, very good independents. We have always known them as 'Little Thiefs' because although now the portions are pretty generous, they used to be very small.
ReplyDeleteI realise your comments are based on recent years but they used to be so much better. I worked in various branches when they were part of the Trusthouse Forte group and, believe me, they were a lot better than many other catering establishments I experienced. The training was second to none and hygiene and maintenance were a top priority. The food was good because the suppliers were the same as used by Trusthouse Forte hotels. The rot set in when they were taken over in 1996 and then went through a succession of different owners, all of whom cut costs, failed to invest in the sites and raised prices. They are now owned by a Kuwaiti company who have pledged to turn them around and get them back on track again. Oh and by the way, of the 16 million customers we used to serve each year I can assure you we had our fair share of 'posh' ones
ReplyDeleteI must apologize, not for my comments, which were tongue-in-cheek, but for the late arrival of this comment. Apparently, it has been languishing in the spam folder. I just now came across it. I would have liked it to appear in a more timely fashion.
Delete